Scudfish

I’m in your egg, eating your cholesterol.

I was always afraid of Satan Claws.

1. “The tequila made me do it!”
2. “I said yes all night to every shot offered.”
3. “Sake numbness…”
4. “Didn’t know Belgian beer was freakin’ 12%!”
5. “I was drinking the boxed wine.”

This big atom can blow up the earth.

Me and my sister made cookies.

1. 5 yard penalty for hugging a handsome quarter back.
2. 3 yard butt slapping penalty.
3. 8 penalty for pissing in the Gatorade.
4. 2 yard for aggressive flatulence.
5. 4 yard penalty for acting gay in the end zone.

Being a mime with a friend kicks ass!

I like the smell of cherry blossoms.

1. Your partner won’t fetch you a piece of chicken and a cold beer afterwards.
2. She won’t plead for mercy no matter how hard you try.
3. Can’t tell if she’s faking it… can’t even tell if she’s actually playing Tetris.
4. Her name is never Angelina — often it’s Brian, Helmut, George, Steven, John or Gary.
5. It’s virtual.

One of these mystery knobs gets my girlfriend turned on.