Scudfish

On your feet — losing my brain cells.

The first billboard ad in Poland.

1. Harry Potter book series prison: Ashgabat (capital of Turkmenistan).
2. Skanky prostitute who permanently wears a “sale” sign around her neck: Ljubljana (capital of Slovenia).
3. Finnish method of cleansing through sweating and Koskenkorva: Sanaa (capital of Yemen).
4. Mildly stuttering cross-eyed detective: Colombo (capital of Sri Lanka).
5. Sexual favour involving the use of bodily waste: Pyongyang (capital of North Korea).

I’m going to try to make you my bitch again tomorrow… Ok? Thanks!

Only with a hammer could I silence it.

1. “I plan to assassinate Obama in 2008.”
2. “Yes, it was me who kicked your grandma down the stairs, you cross-eyed little fruit.”
3. “I went down on Pee-wee Herman during a screening of Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace.”
4. “Every week I eat fried pork rinds and watch ‘Dancing With The Stars.’”
5. “I lost my dentures inside Donald Trump’s arse — please, would you help me find them?”

My wife wears them to special parties, I wear them when she is at work.

I had a bad day.

1. Nagy.
2. Swelly.
3. Whiney.
4. Bitchy.
5. Irrationally.
6. Weepy.
7. Sweaty.

I’m a filthy whore waiting to be cleansed by the ocean.