Scudfish

You are imagining things.

1. Lost my… Umbrella Man!
2. Can’t deal with the dandelions and other… Weed Man!
3. My car is a mess from… Bird Shit Man!
4. Would have fewer problems with… Shaved Balls Man!
5. Need to wipe my arse with… Paper Man!

I always take all my stuff with me.

Down with Shania Twain.

1. Bobbi-Sue Is All Woman (Even Though She Has A Penis) — Garth Trucker.
2. My Honky Tonk Sister (Can Be Yours For A Buck-Fifty) — Liver Spot Band.
3. Feeling Blue (Because My Neck Is Red) — The Muck Crew.
4. Moonshine And Beef Jerky (For Our Anniversary Dinner) — Dick McGoo.
5. We Went Deer Hunting (But Got Drunk And Shot Squirrels Instead) — Keith Buorbon.

Look what I made! What the fuck is that? I don’t know…

Catnip makes her sexy.

1. Synchronized swimming — Coordinated butts bobbing in the water is simply a beautiful sight to witness. Watching Las Vegas showgirls would cost you much more.
2. Basketball — Freak shows became politically incorrect after World War II, which is why ball bouncing abominations of nature are now the popular substitute.
3. Skateboarding — With some patience you will eventually see someone break an ankle or a wrists. But you are always guaranteed to at least see some stoned potheads crying into their sweaty t-shirts.
4. Cheerleading competitions — Nimble cheerleaders in skimpy outfits! Having even one hooker dance for you in the same gear would cost you an arm and a leg.
5. Pro Wrestling — Guys that watch oiled up bulky wrestlers grapple each other in this faux-sport do it because they don’t enjoy cheerleading competitions.
6. Weightlifting — You watching people lift extremely heavy things is much more relaxing and rewarding than the other way around.
7. Boxing — It’s the only venue except Hooters where you can watch two ex-cons beat the jiffers out of each other.

Shhh… Don’t cry my son… He didn’t say finger licking brain, he said fucking spitting rain.

Three-legged handicap parking.