Scudfish

Pretty sure my wife is going to give me some head tonight.

I fear a tampon will not do the trick.

1. In a library, pretending to read a book.
2. Draft dodging in his mom and dad’s basement.
3. Choking on vodka soaked watermelon slices in a frat house.
4. Stealing oily discharges outside fast food restaurants.
5. Out looking for the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls.

I’m in your backyard, having sex with your woman.

Say cheese and cheese, and cheese, and cheese, and cheese and cheese.

Hillary Clinton’s comment — “We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California…”

I know her campaign spin-doctors are out in full force… However, here are the only possible real interpretations of her comment:

1. “There is still hope for me, Hillary Rodham Clinton! Bobby f’n Kennedy was killed off in June. The odds are still pretty sweet for me when you consider that we are in May!”
2. “Somebody in the NRA might still sober up and shoot him! If that happens… I will be here to work on his legacy… (The parts that our cracked Office 2000 thesaurus is able to explain to us).”
3. “I don’t know why I said what I did… I just want Barack Obama dead! I’m sure I can outsmart him if he’s dead! I’m pretty sure! I also hate Oprah! She is a bitch!”
4. “Yes, I might have made sure that no woman will ever become the President of the United States, but by encouraging the assassination of Obama, at least now, people will respect the PMS!”
5. “It only takes that one magical vote — or bullet, to finish him off, and for me to become the only democratic presidential candidate to lose against a complete tool. A republican tool that makes George W. Bush look like the samurai sword in grandma’s shed…

For God’s sake woman! Do what’s right already — retire! Your husband’s (90s) writers and campaign managers have been outsmarted… You almost look like a complete idiot already. Just being almost an idiot can be sweet — just work it a bit! You have been on TV… It’s great having been on TV even though people now know you are a cheap opportunistic skank. You can still sell CLR or something!

The U.S. and the World need a brain in the White House. Why not try it? If all else fails — put another ragged Bush in there (not talking about female bush here…) That crotch has sailed already (thanks to your mixed PMS and menopause hot flashes) and won’t be back for a very long time! Some Obama is needed here!

Hillary, how about writing a children’s book about cigars and skanky fat chicks, or perhaps a Fantasy novel about innocent fat naked fairies and confused husbands?

Just stop torturing us already! You make “gay” look like a real option even to Indiana Jones! Stop it! Women are supposed to be the only option! You are not helping any cause here!

Retire you crazy witch! It’s over! People are already referring to bird crap as Hillarys. It’ over…

This is making us nervous, as we don’t like trees.

Ace of clubs and another ace… Got a problem with that?

1. Is it possible to milk a porcupine?
   Is het mogelijke melk een stekelvarken? (Dutch)
   And back to English again: Is possible milk a porcupine?
2. Why does it hurt being kicked in the nuts?
   Pourquoi blesse-t-il des coups de pied dans les ecrous? (French)
   And back to English again: Why does it wound kicks in the nuts?
3. Is it gangrene if it’s green and smells?
   Ist es Brand, wenn es grun ist und riecht? (German)
   And back to English again: Is it fire, if it is green and smells?
4. Where can I find a recipe for stewed dog?
   Donde puedo encontrar una receta para el perro guisado? (Spanish)
   And back to English again: Where I can find a prescription for the stewed dog?
5. Can I eat lard when my girlfriend is pregnant?
   Posso mangiare il lardo quando il mio girlfriend e incinto? (Italian)
   And back to English again: I can eat the lardo when mine girlfriend it is incinto?
6. Are urinal cakes poisonous or can they be eaten?
   Sao os bolos do urinal venenosos ou podem ser comidos? (Portuguese)
   And back to English again: They are the poisonous cakes of the urinal or can be eaten?

Last one back to the cave, is a dirty rotten infidel!