Scudfish

My girlfriend just hanging…

Listen up! We are three dudes and should be able to take this pussy.

1. Emergency Zippo lighter fluid.
2. Removing grease stains from the floor in the garage.
3. Cleaning fingerprints off the bathroom mirror.
4. Disinfecting the barbeque utensils you left out on porch for 2 weeks.
5. Setting anthills on fire.

I wasn’t really scared as the gun didn’t have bullets or a  chamber, and his penis was very small.

Trying too hard can make things more frightening.

1. Syncronized swimming.
2. Pole vaulting.
3. Canoeing.
4. Lawn bowling.
5. Curling.

Seriously! Say you love me or I’ll cut it off!

Together we had 27 lives, so we decided to take over the world.

1. UPS people prefer talking to you instead of talking to a volleyball.
2. UPS people will never spend hours rubbing two sticks together in an attempt to make fire when there is real work to be done.
3. UPS people have friendlier smiles as they don’t have to knock out their own teeth with skate blades.
4. UPS people are more productive because they have cafeterias and don’t need to catch their own lunch with sharpened sticks.
5. UPS people are never in a bad mood because they never have sand in the crack of their arse.
6. UPS people don’t develop speech impediments when their beards grow.
7. UPS people don’t need to place a noose on a rag doll and dump it off a cliff to see if the rope will hold the weight… When something is processed by UPS and is slightly too heavy: they will get it done anyway.
8. UPS people would never open customer’s packages to look for raft building materials in order to get off a deserted island when there are plenty of coconuts to build an airplane out of.
9. UPS people never yell, “Wilson!” or “Will soon!” — they get it done right away.

I wanted to see her vagina but her baby got in the way.