Scudfish

1. Read a good book.
2. Power wash something really dirty.
3. Get your pipe cleaned.
4. Eat a blueberry muffin.
5. Designs cool jewelry for a friend’s nipples.

Help me, Jesus! I can see his shaved balls dowm there.

I make a lot of friends with my nipple rings.

1. They have attended a combined 463 lobster dinners (for Darfur…)
2. George Clooney’s arse has been kissed 122,983 times.
3. 14 coked up actors and actresses have learned that Darfur is “somewhere in Africa”.
4. 52 movies (and some Darfur issues…) have been promoted on talk shows.
5. Celebrity “concerns” have brought 0 people in front of a human rights tribunal.

He only beat me because he runs on batteries.

Clowning around in Darfur.

1. I opened the pantry in the kitchen and found a bag of chips I didn’t remember buying. I ate it.
2. Somebody had placed a broken Christmas ornament and some super glue next to my computer. I carefully pushed it all to another part of my desk.
3. The cut on my arm was itching like mad, so I scratched it for a moment and then I had a beer. I waited for it to start itching again but sadly it didn’t.
4. There was a spider on the wall in front of me — it scared and disgusted me… I turned around a looked at another wall instead.
5. I accidentally made a perfect slipknot while playing with some rope — I didn’t end up using it.

I wish this brick was you…

Today: cute fat baby. Depression: family-sized stew.

1. WQQB 82.2 FM (Honking Radio) — “24/7 traffic reports from other metropolitan shit holes around the world to make you feel better about your commute.”
2. CVEG 690 AM (Non-Veggie Radio) — “Let us here you eat meat!”
3. BHAH 92.9 (Gag 92) — “Strange sounds from burger joint bathrooms.”
4. QFUK 103.2 FM (Radio Elvis) — “Playing only classic pop-rock schlock that has the word ‘blue’ in the lyrics.”
5. WGOD 790 AM (God Talk) — “Call in and bitch about anything because at least God is listening.”