Scudfish

Radiation creates sturdier lovers.

For the kids he had with Britney:

1. Open and Banks.
2. Extra and Cash.
3. Win and Lottery.
4. Visa and Amex.
5. Ba-da-bing and Ka-ching.

For the kids he had with actress Shar Jackson:

1. Drift and Wood.
2. Wasted and Sperm.
3. Dead and Weight.
4. Point and Less.
5. Zero and Dough.

Some days I feel like half-a-kitten.

Me and my wife made our own Navy.

1. Freshly baked chocolate cupcakes.
2. Brand new high quality leather couch.
3. Reese Witherspoon after a sponge bath.
4. Napalmed cow — 15 minutes later.
5. The big-breasted waitress at “Jim’s” (morning shift).

Teaching myself to rip your heart out.

It’s been over a week now and I still haven’t found a toilet.

1. Hammered Hammerhead Shark.
2. Stoned Blacktip Shark.
3. Kitten Tiger Shark.
4. Barbequed Bull Shark.
5. Great White Dancing Shark.

I was sad because I rarely got boyfriend cuddles because of fashial herpes.

Making the women’s golf tour a couple of notches more interesting.