Scudfish

1. I won’s sleep anywhere without my own pillow and Elmo hand puppet.
2. I hate greasy Bearnaise sauce stains on my clothes.
3. My pale hairy arse would look hopeless in a black liquorice thong.
4. I despise musty urine smelling truck stop urinals that play country music.
5. My facial hair can’t be trimmed in to a nice eaven vagina-like goatee.

This protects me from being molested by vampires only.

My favourite aunt was Elise because she had a lot of personality.

1. Sit down on and crush pizza boxes and beer cans.
2. Sit down on a garden gnome and be pleasantly surprised.
3. Sit down on and suffocate a deer or a large dog.
4. Sit down on and enjoy the sharp tongue of an angry lesbian.
5. Sit down on a bidet and wash my Donald Trump.

Soon I’m going to have a little son of a bitch to play with.

Feminism is a powerful beast.

1. Instead of Dual Xeons, they mention two Nintendo DSs and duct tape.
2. They don’t boast about redundancy but of a free t-shirt with every plan.
3. First question asked by tech support: “What are you wearing?”
4. Their sales pitch page has ads for French ticklers and flea shampoos.
5. You are being billed (screwed) by midPhase, AN Hosting or StartLogic.

More reading: ANHosting and midPhase sucks - negative web hosting review.

My real-life hosting review should be mandatory reading for anyone out looking for a reliable and trustworthy web hosting company.

If you have read it before, have a second look as it was updated today with some scary company merger news

It hurt like crazy but now I look cool even though I have a small penis.

Radiation creates sturdier lovers.

For the kids he had with Britney:

1. Open and Banks.
2. Extra and Cash.
3. Win and Lottery.
4. Visa and Amex.
5. Ba-da-bing and Ka-ching.

For the kids he had with actress Shar Jackson:

1. Drift and Wood.
2. Wasted and Sperm.
3. Dead and Weight.
4. Point and Less.
5. Zero and Dough.

Some days I feel like half-a-kitten.

Me and my wife made our own Navy.