Scudfish

1. Even her grandma underwear look like thongs.
2. She easily eats seven Big Macs and a ball pit for lunch.
3. You can’t tell where her chin ends and her boobs start.
4. Mushrooms grow in-between her sweaty thighs.
5. She refers to Rosie O’Donnell as “The skinny bitch”.

I got it for Christmas and it only needed cupcakes to run.

1. If a kid falls down an abandoned well — your dog will pretend it didn’t push it down there.
2. If your brother in-law takes off his shoes — your dog will not attempt to clean his feet.
3. If a machete wielding burglar comes in to your house — your dog will hide until it’s safe.
4. If a new girlfriend is around — your dog tries hard not to slurp when licking his balls.
5. If another dog brings it a cookie — your dog will eat the cookie and not the other dog’s butt.

Dog — Smart.

1. Mormon Polka.
2. Hip Replacement Polka.
3. Angry Lesbian Polka.
4. Three-Tooth Polka.
5. Meth Rage Polka.

Forward this picture to 5 friends or this kitten dies.

1. All those different coloured handkerchiefs.
2. Hats containing rabbits and other rodents.
3. Staffs that explode in to bouquets of plastic flowers.
4. Shapely fishnet stocking clad assistants in more than two pieces.
5. Being forced to clean up 14 decks of cards.

I often tried to reach in and rip people’s lungs out — they thought I was cute.

1. I won’s sleep anywhere without my own pillow and Elmo hand puppet.
2. I hate greasy Bearnaise sauce stains on my clothes.
3. My pale hairy arse would look hopeless in a black liquorice thong.
4. I despise musty urine smelling truck stop urinals that play country music.
5. My facial hair can’t be trimmed in to a nice eaven vagina-like goatee.

My favourite aunt was Elise because she had a lot of personality.