Scudfish

Sometimes I just like to sit back and think about my first banana.

1. Rosie O’Donnell’s thong.
2. Horse semen.
3. Raw bacon.
4. Toenail clippings.
5. Grandma’s dentures.

One schroom too many and things try to suck on your toes.

Sneaking around with a new tongue piercing.

1. Abusive Relationships — How to Get Your Damned Wife to Shut Up During a Football Double-Header.
2. Eating Disorders — The Easy on the Toilet Porcelain Bulimia Cookbook.
3. Depression — You Will Never do Charlize Theron: Get Over It!
4. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder — Keeping Busy With Cat Litter, Rice and Paperclips
5. Anger Management — How Not to Hurt Those Lazy-Ass Best Buy Sales Jerk Offs More Than Necessary.

I don’t go near that thing in the best of times.

A Finnish hard rock style can simply be an old hat and clementine eyevballs.

1. Sweden — Roasted salt-cured fresh ham with honey-mustard glaze (juicy)… North America — Turkey (dry even when supposedly quite juicy).
2. Sweden — Moonshine from your grandpa’s still (dancing)… North America — Homemade eggnog by grandma (diarrhea).
3. Sweden — “Orgy on the North Pool (Part 38)” on cable (jolly)… North America — Repeat number 163 of “Frosty the Snowman” (depressing).
4. Sweden — Santa personally delivers the gifts on Christmas Eve (Santa loves Swedes)… North America — Parents place gifts under the tree from Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve (Santa is not real).
5. Sweden — Naked Twister at Christmas parties (thanks to some grandpa’s still)… North America — kissing under the mistletoe (thanks to some grandma’s homemade eggnog).

Dating and zits suck unless you neet a Polish bitch.

It looked so much better when Johnny Depp wore it.