Scudfish

1. You find puzzles challenging and stimulating.
2. You spend time surfing for Korean softcore porn.
3. You hum along to 1970’s Swedish folk music.
4. You enjoy pinching your nipples with BBQ utensils.
5. You watch your own wedding video.

I was always thirsty as a child.

Looking for someone to just love me and my mom’s shoes.

1. Driving a Ram pick-up truck.
2. Having kicked a 80-lbs pitbull in the nuts.
3. Looking cool in grandma’s bling.
4. Having had an Oscar winner down on her knees.
5. Having sacked Payton Manning (or had him in the sack).

Bitch! Let’s do this for a little bit! Ok..

Steroids… Polish… steroids…

1. Fresh as spring rain in Beijing.
2. Fresh as a new sanitary napkin.
3. Fresh as the Olsen twins at age 5.
4. Fresh as O.J. Simpson’s next planned crime spree.
5. Fresh as a Hollywood movie idea.

Hello! Are you friend or food?

Jeeesus Chriiist… WTF is that?

1. Your ass is wider and more shapely than hers.
2. She ends every sentence with “Ya’ know?”
3. Your neighbour’s Golden Retriever has bigger nipples than she does.
4. When she crouches down, you can see her Dora the Explorer panties.
5. Her Myspace.com profile trumpets her undying love for Justin Timberlake and chicken McNuggets.