Scudfish

Never marry a dude from Brokeback Mountain.

1. She bends down to tie her shoe laces — You wear slippers because your back stopped bending decades ago.
2. She listens to music on her iPod — You hum polka tunes in your head.
3. She needs sex once a day or she gets irritable — You need a bowel movement every day or you get irritable.
4. She meets her friends at the mall every week — You meet your friends at the funeral home every week.
5. She wears colourful hot and sexy outfits — You wear brown sweaty outfits.

Getting ready to perform some German fetish porn.

Being transexual simply makes me happy.

1. Camp and survive in Death Valley for a week; eating coyotes and living in a tent made out of thousands of edible thongs.
2. Prove that you can sustain your bulimia using pea soup, canned meat sauce and chicken broth, and not only expensive edible thongs.
3. Date a guy with above average intelligence and without having to keep him in your net with your collection of edible thongs.
4. Get completely wasted together with hundreds of other blondes in a bare room (except for a camera) — without ending up devouring your edible thongs off of each other.
5. Go up and plant a “blondes rule!” flag on the surface of the moon (remember to bring oxygen and a couple of spare pairs of edible thongs).

I said… Vanilla-strawberry swirl! Bitch!

Everyone appreciated a nice set of boobs.

1. No sushi has vocal chords or first names such as “Steve”, “Rita” or “Larry”.
2. I doesn’t taste good when you are forced to smoke grandpa’s old pipe.
3. Iran really doesn’t have any gay people! Proof? No Iranian figure skaters at the Olympics!
4. A cocktus could also generate an incredible amount of pricks.
5. Only in movies could love blossom after an enormous bowel movement in a broken toilet.

Hold on… I think I’ll go for it as I have nine lives!

Take my blood too, you selfish brats.