Scudfish

1. You can’t do the splits or a basic somersault.
2. An average-sized parrot has larger breasts than you do.
3. You can’t suck a pork dumpling through a straw.
4. You can’t even take a mild spanking with a frying pan.
5. You only shut up when drugged with roofies.

Five star hitchhiker at work.

I rap because I can. I rap wigger style… I rap about being raped in prison showers.

1. Freshly skinned dog carcass.
2. Head of a tuna.
3. Bloodied, three tassel toque, knitted by grandma.
4. 12 inch rusty nail.
5. Scalped Trump do.

Washing myself for the mermaid mating season.

Mia loved pizza — Suzy loved cookies — Steph loved fries — Annie loved ice cream — I loved cheap dates.

1. Polygamy.
2. Matrimony.
3. Polyandry.
4. Polygyny.
5. Clooney.

My perfect girlfriend.

Tough chicks have always frightened me.

1. White.
2. Rose.
3. Red.
4. Rice.
5. April.