Scudfish

1. Picture frame that highlights the great family day at the beach when I found a wallet.
2. The one with phone numbers to local plummers and pizza joints.
3. My daughter’s now naked Pippi Longstocking with a missing leg.
4. A scratch and sniff apple that smells like a World War I era boot.
5. The big flat one which I use to cover my wife’s to-do list.

Hold on! I’m going to make you more olives.

Not now deer — people are watching.

1. Play Space Invaders.
2. Eat a Pizza Quattro Stagioni at Rosa’s.
3. Drink a Glen Ord 30-Year-Old Single Malt Scotch.
4. Hook a 30-pound salmon on a fly fishing rod.
5. Watch Blackadder season 2 together with a nimble British nymphomaniac girlfriend.

This is when my husband fell in love with me.

Some girl — me — some girl.

1. Getting your eyeballs stolen by an Elvis impersonator.
2. Dancing With The Stars — The Movie.
3. Charlize Theron goes down on her knees for you, and trips a landmine.
4. Accidentally adding Dijon mustard to your enema.
5. George W. Bush gets elected for a third term.

Hello there! Can I join your party?

The size doesn’t matter — it’s all about how you sit on it.

1. Eeny.
2. Meeny.
3. Miny.
4. Mo.