Scudfish

Ok, it’s official… This part of the world sucks nuts!

Since Guitar Hero II was released, I have to remind myself to keep my girlfriend happy.

1. You will often bite yourself when eating finger food.
2. You can never tell if you were able to flip away that annoying booger or not.
3. You always run the risk of Rosie O’Donnell accidentally sitting down on you.
4. You always feel like an outcast when you give somebody the thumbs-up.
5. You can never tell if you have wiped enough after you have been to the bathroom.

Being a greedy whore sometimes hurts like a son of a bitch!

Becoming a goth wasn’t the happy occasion I had hoped for.

1. “My girlfriend’s Golden Retriever seemed nervous even though he knew I was a gentle lover…”
2. “She was smoking hot and I was ready as a pyromaniac on a Saudi oilfield…”
3. “I got incredibly aroused only on our fourth date, because it was only then that I got used to the smell of cabbage…”
4. “My reindeer were well rested for our busy Christmas night, and my sack was on the brink of bursting…”
5. “I was slowly getting used to the idea that she wasn’t in fact wearing a matted gorilla outfit…”

Dudes… LOL! That totally kicked ass!

Happiness it to find that perfect lover.

1. Cantaloupe — Dribbling down the chin forever spell.
2. Banana — Awkward moments when taking big bites forever spell.
3. Kiwi — Groped by drunken Aussies forever spell.
4. Mango — Tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth forever spell.
5. Lime — Grimacing like the village idiot forever spell.

Then I scared the turds out of the doggie like this… Meow shakalaka!