Scudfish

1. Dried up camel carcass on a sand dune.
2. Naked, blonde, voluptuous young lady bending over to pick up a bar of soap.
3. Young child drowning because of parental negligence.
4. Trompe l’Oeil of Senator Larry Craig’s feet seemingly sticking out from underneath the sheet.
5. Jack the Ripper crime scene.

I was an Eddie Murphy fan long before he became a Manga kitten.

1. Fat, plump, stuffed turkey — Blockbuster manager eating at McDonald’s.
2. Well-basted turkey — Well-basted bodybuilder.
3. Turkey gravy — Texas saloon spittoon.
4. Turkey juices — Juices from that hairy guy at the gym.
5. Aroma of a turkey — Aroma of Turkey.

As you can see, I have escaped from Police custody 27 times.

1. You can’t date my sister because she is currently suffering from Ebola.
2. No, I have never consciously pulled your penis when you have been sleeping.
3. Which of my ends smelled the worst?
4. Thailand? Nah, let’s do a southern hoedown tour instead.
5. I have never seen your wife naked; I just assumed that she had space shuttle-shaped birthmark on her left buttock.

Don’t freak out — transexuals go poo just like Charlize Theron.

1. Never try to tattoo your rottweiler when coming home after a night of binge drinking.
2. Never place the clothes pins from a hanger intended for dress pants, anywhere even near your genitalia.
3. Never taste that olive oil under your mother-in-laws sink — it could be from the 1970’s.
4. Never eat a bag of unripe avocados, and then a powerful laxative.
5. Never place your guitar closer than 8 feet from the floor when the in-breeds are coming for a visit.

It’s mine… mine… mine…

1. Macaroni and Cheese.
2. Pepperoni pizza.
3. Count Chocula cereal.
4. Almost 100% beef hot dogs.
5. SpongeBob SquarePants pasta.

I could be the king of Myspace.com but I choose to work as a prostitute.