Scudfish

1. Cutting a lamb in to succulent barbeque-sized pieces.
2. Teasing our neighbour’s Pit Bull through the fence.
3. Sharpening our machetes for our yearly hunt of garbage eating raccoons.
4. Shooting down ugly birds and squirrels from our cherry tree.
5. Playing God with insects using our magnifying glasses.

Invisible Shiatsu massage.

I’m a bull looking for an open-minded cow.

1. Trying to avoid eating his nose if it falls in to his cereal bowl.
2. Pretending that his right hand is a little boy.
3. Shopping for a well-hung chimpanzee that will keep his mouth shut.
4. Playing leprosy with his physicians.
5. Thanking his lucky star.

Look… LOL!

Hope it’s not a sock bacause wearing a sock is not cool.

1. 39 oz. slab of medium-rare Prime Rib.
2. Cold bottle of beer.
3. Another beer.
4. Big-breasted hooker who enjoys a good beating.
5. Nap.

Hello there little dudes! Are you freaking out yet?

Would like to eat your children — did I say that? Would like to babysit your children.

1. Clean the latrines.
2. Give grandpa a bath.
3. Step in molten lave.
4. Have sex with Alaskan wildlife.
5. Bake a banana loaf.