Scudfish

1. Attacked By Leprechauns.
2. Doctors Shaved Me.
3. Unicorns Did It.
4. Your Imaginary Herpes.
5. Fits Nicely.

You think so?

Dead duck — Southern Comfort.

1. Podcast about butterflies.
2. Icelandic gay porn.
3. Abba’s Dancing Queen.
4. YouTube.com teenage angst clips.
5. Rap music.

Being a homie with eyebrows is better than being a home without eyebrows.

No sympathy for you.

1. I wonder what Pizza Hut is like in Beijing: do they really twirl plates on sticks?
2. Why is it that big birds only crap on my car, especially after it’s just been washed?
3. Is it really true that no one can see you flip boogers in the dark?
4. Does a minivan feel larger when it clips you at the kneecaps at 90 mph?
5. What is more painful than sitting down on the couch to watch TV and find out where your daughter hid her Barbie doll — the one with the spiky helmet?

Bad yolks… I have them.

May I nibble on you with my tooth?

1. Want a cookie?
2. Where did you get that?
3. Big poo or a little poo?
4. Did you take it from the garbage?
5. Where’s the remote control?
6. What are you eating?
7. Do you want to see Elmo?
8. What did you flush down in the toilet?
9. Can you find daddy’s wallet?
10. Did you just say, “shit”?