Scudfish

1. Picking a date when the moon is getting bigger — alternatively: picking a date when the bride’s mother is vacationing in Jamaica.
2. The bride wears a white dress — alternatively: her mother wears an orange jumpsuit.
3. The woman who puts the veil on the bride is happily married — alternatively: the best man happily locks her mother into the old trunk in the attic.
4. Wearing earrings will bring the bride good luck — alternatively: it will bring the groom good luck if her mother is in a hospital emergency room with split eardrums.
5. Seeing lambs, doves, wolves, spiders or toads on the way to church — alternatively: seeing the bride’s mother being mauled by a pack of badgers.

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