Scudfish

1. Lost both my legs when accidentally walking out into a minefield.
2. Got hit by a snowplow and was thrown into an oncoming garbage truck.
3. Had all my ribs broken after being brutally assaulted by a pack of vicious Marta Stewart look-alikes.
4. Got lost at the zoo and ended up getting molested by a polar bear and a walrus.
5. Have “more important” stuff to do…

Redneck genius.

1. Yeast Infection Barbie.
2. Slap Around Barbie.
3. Cesarean Birth Barbie.
4. Liver Spots Barbie.
5. Party Hardy Barbie.

“V” for very Gay.

1. Tainted Velcro (Can’t Drink This Screwdriver).
2. The Smell of Elmer’s Glue (Funny The Way You Fly).
3. Bob’s Nob (Don’t Worry Baby You Didn’t Kill It).
4. Bending Paperclips (It Only Smells Like Sushi).
5. Carpet Bombing Nashville (Not That Kind Of Picking).
6. Vodka & Pretzels (Cocks Don’t Make Food).
7. Never Been To Burma (Rashes Aren’t Tattoos).
8. Ignorant Lepers (My Lovers Taylor And Martin).
9. Dieting Cop Eaters (Just Add A Vinaigrette).
10. Viola Ebola (Hugs For The World).
11. Prick On My Finger (Leaches And Coca Cola).
12. Grandma’s Whiskers (Scratch Before You Sniff).
13. Million Pin Bowling (Levitation Is Tricky Stuff).
14. His Retarded Brothers (Scientology Was Not For Us).
15. Peach Schnapps Trio (Get Ready To Bumble).
16. The Leaking Canoes (Chili Made It A Hell Hole).
17. Cart Wheeling San Francisco (Hell Is Uphill).
18. Soccer Moms (Bend It Sideways Beckham).
19. Rasta Pasta (Adding The Herbs Now).
20. The Crockpot Recipes (Nice And Juicy).

Jake, Mike, Sam — The guy that fucked as all.

1. Interesting Hairdos Using Employee Spit by Donald Trump.
2. How to Smoke Up Like a Tugboat and Not Drool by Snoop Dogg.
3. Things I Vaguely Remember by Courtney Love.
4. Scientology, Goblins and Other Stuff I Believe in by Tom Cruise.
5. Frugal Baby Shopping in the Third World by Angelina Jolie.
6. Selling Your Soul to Satan and Getting a Deal by The Dixie Chicks.
7. Books I Should Have Read by George W. Bush.
8. How to Avoid Becoming an Angry Lesbian by Rosie O’Donnell.
9. Making Crap Look Good by Justin Timberlake.
10. Liquor Stores of America by Paula Abdul.

It’s not beastiality if it’s cast iron.

It’s a day where he American people honour current and past Presidents for all the great things they have done for the country. I’m not American, but I thought I would take the day to think about George W. Bush’s achievements:

1. Together with Homer Simpson, made “nucular” a fun word to say.
2. …

1. Happy birthday! I praise God every day that you are alive, because you still haven’t returned my _______________ and the _______________.
2. Hope you had a wonderful birthday, even though you probably ate the _______________ that I accidentally _______________.
3. I have no flowers or a presents to give you, but I did steal your _______________ out of the _______________ to sell to one of my mates, so that I could buy you this card. Happy birthday!
4. Don’t worry about turning _____ and looking more and more like _______________, I still do _______________ when I get a chance. Love you babe!
5. Sending you birthday wishes all the way from _______________ because I always think of you when I _______________ in the morning.