Reasons I wish I had so I didn’t have to go shopping with my wife tomorrow
- Lost both my legs when accidentally walking out into a minefield.
- Got hit by a snowplow and was thrown into an oncoming garbage truck.
- Had all my ribs broken after being brutally assaulted by a pack of vicious Marta Stewart look-alikes.
- Got lost at the zoo and ended up getting molested by a polar bear and a walrus.
- Have “more important” stuff to do…
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