Scudfish

I suck and I love it.

1. 8 feet tall and slightly homicidal and psychotic. Enjoys walking in circles… Looking for SWF 18-99, who enjoys chatting through bulletproof glass.
2. Funny 63-year-old lady living in Boston looking for someone for walks in the park, theatre and baseball games. Age and social status isn’t important but you must have a sense of humour and be willing to take my 16-inch strap-on once in a while.
3. Intelligent, charming, beautiful, rich, well-hung, artistic, non-smoker, religious, ethical, hard working, fit and humorous, I am not. But I can lick my own eyebrows! Looking for female 18 - 45 who can appreciate my talent.
4. Looking for a woman who is a nubile, big-breasted sword swallowing nymphomaniac with hexadactyly. Surely the perfect woman for me is out there somewhere? Age and race doesn’t matter. Anxiously waiting to hear from you…
5. Tuba playing retired school principal looking for a heavyset woman who can bake and clean and who can take wild senseless beatings. Please include your favourite recipes with your reply.

Shut the fuck up.

1. Merri Christmas! (1 eggnog)
2. Marry Christmas! (2 eggnogs)
3. Mary Chrissmazzz! (3 eggnogs)
4. Mayee Chnischa! (4 eggnogs)
5. Maai Chrizzza! (5 eggnogs)

I hated her new boyfriend.

Even if the average angel only weighs 100 lbs. it would require at a lot of horsepower for him or her to reach any kind of serious height or speed in flight. Especially when you consider that one horsepower is defined as 500 ft.-lbs. per second, which is close to the power needed to lift 550 pounds one foot off the ground in exactly one second.

I gather than an average feathered angel has a wingspan of about 6 feet. When you add drag (air resistance) — from the wings themselves and especially from the big dress that they all wear into the equation, it’s starting to get seriously ridiculous… And any reference to angels that I have ever seen, have them flying more than one foot off the ground and for more than one second.

Feeding data such as weight, wingspan, and aerodynamics into a flight model shows that those wings have to flap at a minimum of 5500 - 7500 beats per second. That’s more than hundred times than what’s required to keep a Ruby-throated colibri hovering!

Clearly guardian angels have to fly faster than a colibri, but to keep it simple when it comes to the math:

1. 5500 - 7500 beats per second of 6 ft. wings to keep a 100 lbs. angel hovering requires roughly one horsepower per beat! Around 6000 horsepower to keep an angel hovering!
2. 1 horsepower (550 ft-lbf/s) = 745.7 watts (an angel needs to generate 6000 horsepower = 4474200 watts.
3. 251.996 calories is physically equal to 0.293071 watt hour (an angel needs 4474200 watt hour = 3847124086 calories to fly for one hour).
4. One medium-sized banana contains around 100 calories (3847124086 calories are needed to keep an angel flying for 1 hour = 38471240 bananas per hour).
5. 38471240 bananas per hour = 641187 bananas per second… 

Really, no one (not even Rosie O’Donnell or Oprah Winfrey) can chew and swallow bananas that fast — thus angels can’t exist!

Merry Christmas from Scudfish.com!

One of my favourite websites is Digg.com, which is a site where members click in their votes for stories that they find newsworthy or interesting, or worth a look.

Being perversely fascinated with statistics: I thought I would follow Digg for a month and see what kind of stories get the most attention (votes/diggs) based on stories submitted + keywords + actual content in the url/page/site (keywords (most common word) everywhere basically). These findings (obviously) has nothing to do with story importance, it’s more a general look in to averages and words mentioned in the actual stories etc.

No, I was never a great coder, so maybe I missed something somewhere? These findings are presented “as is” (I can’t guarantee the accuracy). Hoverer, seeing the end result — it looks good to me? In no particular order, except the last entry…

1. Paris Hilton + Drunk + Purse + Vomiting + Video.
2. Nintendo + Wii + Rocks + Cool + Tricks.
3. Iraq + War + Neat + Dying + Bush.
4. Intel + Chip + Core16 + Edible + Yummie.
5. Cancer + Urban + Legend + Santa + Norad.
6. Stripper + Pole + Slipping + Elf + Dentures.
7. PS3 + Software + Bug + Herpes + Bill Gates.
8. Murder + Gross + Horrific + Wii + Youtube.
9. Wii + Controler + Dog + Rectum + Lawsuit.
10. PS3 + eBay + Fucking + Nuts + Beef jerky.
11. Stripper + Hat + China + Hockey + Suck.
12. Keyboard + Better + Cancer + Porn + WTF.
13. Airline + Security + Fun + Lightsaber + Colorado.
14. Mad + Cow + Ritalin + Happy + BBQ.
15. Girfriend + Very + Naked + Happy + Redneck.
16. Coors + Light + Flaming + Homosexual + Constitution.
17. Digg + New + Features + News+Wii.
18. Nintendo + Undigg + Wii + Merger + Iminent.
19. Paris Hilton + Video + Nintendo + Iraq + Intel.
20. Cancer + Yummie + PS3 + Bug + Stripper + China + Suck + Wii + Dog + Rectum + Airline + Coors + Digg + Merger + Iminent + Google + Big + Bugs.

1. Personal Assistant waiting to do something meaningful, but whose primary duties so far has been to say “mister” (”missus”) and to have a warm and encouraging smile plastered on their face at all times: 3%
2. Rent, lattes, over-priced designer clothes, and frilly drinks for people that “just love” the performance in that movie that nobody really saw: 52%
3. Union fees and magazine subscriptions for crappy publications that will only come in handy as “research material” if they ever get offered a supporting role in a movie staring Tom Hanks: 4%
4. Condoms for A-List actors and actresses who are too drunk to find their own stash when they “need to do” that skinny but hot waitress or waiter: 1%
5. Replacing broken furniture, telephones and bathroom fixtures when “having to” drag home Russell Crowe, Leonardo DiCaprio or George Clooney for an after-party: 12%
6. Flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals and show tickets to keep “no-name” celebrity gossipers (almost like real reporters) from calling them a cheap-talentless-2-by-4: 19%
7. Talent agency who hasn’t done very-much-more than to find producers and directors who are willing to give out roles for depraved sexual favors: 16%
8. Well-covered charity events and contributions (minus tax write-offs): 0.02%
9. Coke for people that are or who want to be their friend: 7%
10. Savings for that day when people realize that they are as easily replaced as a caterer: -30.02%

He loves babes.

1. Cookbook with scrumptious squirrel recipes.
2. Nerf gun that shoots shards of glass.
3. Paris Hilton bobbing head doll.
4. Christmas ornament shaped like a banana.
5. Kevin Federline’s CD.