My Greatest Pains And Sufferings
- Spraining my ankle when running away from my friend’s crazy sister after burrying the head that I had accidentally ripped off of her favorite stuffed animal. (1976)
- Tearing my anterior cruciate ligament. (2005)
- Seeing Quebec Nordiques being eliminated in the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs. (1995)
- Losing all my collected filth and depravity in a hard drive crash. (1999)
- Seeing John Travolta bumbling his way through Battlefield Earth. (2000)
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