Scudfish

1. “This is a pretty good film for people who play the banjo!”
2. “This movie rocks… between awful and pathetic!”
3. “Kick ass! No, actually, let’s find the director and just hang him!”
4. “If you only intend to see one movie this year (and you are a Turkish stripper) — this one is it!”
5. “This movie is slightly more enjoyable than a headbutt from a drunk Irishman!”

They said I looked cool on Myspace.

1. “I liiike!”
2. “Suxxess!”
3. “Vadgina!”
4. “Romance explozion!”
5. “Anuuuz!”
6. “Varry niiice!”
7. “How muuuch?”
8. “Hi-faivee!”
9. “Saxxy time!”
10. “Wa-wa-wi-wa!”

My last boyfriend was all hands.

1. “This turkey is really moist and I prefer lumps in my gravy!”
2. “Love this sweater!”
3. “We hate to see you go!”
4. “I would love to do the dishes!”
5. “Nobody will be able to tell that it’s a cheap knock-off!”
6. “Your homemade eggnog is delicious!”
7. “It’s the thought that counts!”
8. “Christmas is about Jesus — not presents!”
9. “Don’t worry… I can glue it!”

Cheerleading is a real sport.

1. “1001 other things you can do with your penis”.
2. “Boiling almost anything in to glue”.
3. “Portrait painting using melted cheeses”.
4. “Making Chewbacca costumes out of Shih Tzus”.
5. “Durable origami designs with baking sheets”.
6. “Turning critters into colorful Pinatas”.
7. “Home repair for the criminally insane”.
8. “Catapults for dummies”.
9. “Building a boat out of crap you have in your couch”.

12 spiders - same reactions as 12 inches.

1. Beat It.
2. Farewell My Summer Love.
3. They Way You Make Me Feel.
4. Bad.
5. Another Part Of Me.
6. Smooth Criminal.
7. In The Closet.
8. Dangerous.
9. Scream.

A poor sense of humor will take you nowhere.