Scudfish

1. Philadelphia Cream Cheese.
2. Jell-o.
3. Tropicana Orange Juice.
4. Knorr’s Bernaise sauce.
5. Oprah clothing line.

Homie giving you some lip.

1. Catching myself smiling and singing along to an upbeat country music tune featuring banjos and yodeling.
2. Finding a post-it note on my desk, with a phone number, a lot of exclamation marks and skulls scribbled on to it, and not remember having penned it down.
3. Opening the toolbox and finding a bloodied hammer and not remembering when I last hurt myself.
4. Lying in my bed panting after having fried and eaten a pound of bacon that was 3 years passed the best before date.
5. Passing out on the couch and waking up to a George W. Bush speech and hearing the words: “Ooops”, “Nucular” and “3 minutes”.

One small jug an two huge jugs.

1. Hockey — Enough is enough… No more lucky Loonies buried at center ice! (God knows they will be needed to pay for the event…) The only way Canada will win the hockey gold again is to bury Wayne Gretzky in the ice instead.
2. Snowboarding — Come one! Canada has more acreage than most European countries combined… Surely Canada can produce enough pot to keep a few skinny snowboarders high long enough to clean up most (if not all) medals?
3. Speed skating — New rule! After each completed lap, the skaters have to chug half a case of beer and knit a toque.
4. Bobsled/Luge/Skeleton — These sports need to be made more challenging! Start the clock: the competitors have to build their own sled out of potatoes before taking it down the run… Half the population of Prince Edward Island could medal at these new and improved events!
5. Biathlon — Skiing and shooting black dots is for sissies… Two more stations should be added where the skiers need to bathe and shampoo Grizzly bears, which have been covered in Maple syrup and poutine.

Retardation causes happiness as you don’t know any better.

1. Cash. (2005)
2. 5 Dollar Babe. (2004)
3. The Lord Of The Nipple Rings: The Return Of The Bling. (2003)
4. Chick Kaka Go. (2002)
5. A Beautiful Behind. (2001)
6. Glad I Ate Her. (2000)
7. American Booty. (1999)
8. Chuck Spears A Dove. (1998)
9. Titty Nick. (1997)
10. The Ticklish Patient. (1996)
11. Brave Tart. (1995)
12. Forrest Hump. (1994)
13. She Learns To Fist. (1993)
14. No Whore Given. (1992)
15. The Smiles On The Lambs. (1991)
16. Nancy Is With Wolves. (1990)

Refueling the Death Star.

1. Too many boxes… Too many hugs… Too many songs that everyone have tried very hard to forget.
2. Even the most vicious and ruthless killer will confess to the crime at the end of the show even if there isn’t a shred of evidence.
3. The paroled murderous psychopath who is all covered in tattoos and works as a janitor in a strip club — is never the killer.
4. The killer is almost always the seemingly insignificant second character to be questioned.
5. All law enforcement personnel wear designer clothes and shoes that only “dirty” cops could afford.
6. Lilly Rush’s over-stylized bangs keep “wandering” all over her forehead between every scene and take.

Robot sex is prelubricated.