Scudfish

1. European beers.
2. Wines that have a red tint to them.
3. Sake in liberal enough amounts to make my four cheeks blush.
4. Champagne as efficient as: big fat juicy oysters x 10…
5. Anything that can be lit and burn hot enough to be considered a weapon.

My girlfriend looks ugly when she smokes.

1. Accident involving some inappropriate printed material and getting “Mini-Me” caught in the zipper when trying to “wrap things up” all too quickly.
2. Slipping that one anchovy in to the very handsome but drunken “has-it-all’s” breast pocket in the mensroom at a graduation dance.
3. All the times during coed basketball when I “accidentally” and “completely” misplayed my blocks on that pretty and buxom 5 ft. 2 in. girl that smelled like lavender.
4. Funny prank involving: epoxy, a plastic pink flamingo and the hood of one of my friend’s car — thought up and executed while in a moonshine induced haze.
5. Posting this thing.

Teeth and nails fueled by catnip.

1. Flowers.
2. Leaves.
3. Trees.
4. Abstract greenery.
5. Rusty watering cans together with scary looking butterflies.

1. What Is “Falukorv?” (Sausage Song) —1974.
2. Viking Inside Me (But I’m On The Pill) — 1977.
3. My Accent Is Not Terrible (I Have A Speech Impediment) —1975.
4. This Song Is About Bananas Too (We Think) — 1979.
5. Leftover Lyrics And Rimes (Spiffed Up A Little Bit) — 1980.

Can hear danger coming from somewhere.

1. Don Sue — Too Italian…
2. Soggy Dong — Too West Hollywood…
3. Dotty Song — Too 1950’s…
4. Snuggly Dot — Too 1960’s…
5. Not Snug — Too West Hollywood…
6. Doggie Snot — Too preschool…
7. Snotty Dog — Too predictable…
8. Dog Snoop — Too gross…
9. Snoop Dogg — Ka-ching!

Sith budget sabers.