Scudfish

Not my fart — Not my fart.

1. Emergency Zippo lighter fluid.
2. Removing grease stains from the floor in the garage.
3. Cleaning fingerprints off the bathroom mirror.
4. Disinfecting the barbeque utensils you left out on porch for 2 weeks.
5. Setting anthills on fire.

1. Phthalo Turquoise.
2. Indanthrene Blue.
3. Perylene Violet.
4. Opera Rose.
5. Potters Pink.
6. Quinacridone Red.
7. Scarlet Lake.
8. Caput Mortuum Violet.
9. Brown Madder.

Have a great honeymoon.

1. Swedish — “Hall kaften din javel!”
2. Tibetan — “Phai shaa za mkhan!”
3. German — “Blodes arschloch!”
4. French — “Nom de dieu de bordel de merde!”
5. Finnish — “Vittujen kevat!”

It’s not zoophilia if it only involves kissing.

1. Heel or No Heel — Tall models are placed behind short bald guys and the contestants have to try and pick out the one model not wearing any footwear.
2. Feel or No Feel — All but one model on stage is hooked up to a transformer and the contestants get to zap them with electricity. The objective of the game is to find the one model faking the electrical shocks.
3. Seal or No Seal — The contestants are presented with different animal carcasses and have to try and pick out the remains of an over-clubbed seal pup.
4. Veal or No Veal — Heavyset models are paraded on to the stage and the contestants have to try and pick out the one woman who doesn’t object to eating veal.
5. Teal or No Teal — Colorblind contestants have to try and pick out the one model wearing something in the color teal: by touching, smelling and tasting the different garments worn by the women.
6. Eel or No Eel — Male strippers are asked to dance on stage and the contestants have to try and pick out the one guy with an electric eel in his thong.
7. Ally McBeal or No Ally McBeal — The famous actress is mixed in with ridiculously skinny wannabe actresses and the contestants have to try and pick out the real Ally McBeal by using a hammer.

1. “There are now pubic hairs belonging to 27 different people in here!”
2. “Here kitty, kitty…”
3. “Anal probe mode in 5, 4, 3, 2…”
4. “Kill all humans!”
5. “Swear to God… Do that again and I’ll tell your wife!”

1. 2006 — Crash 2 “This time we actually crash and blow a lot of shit up — promise!” (Comedy featuring a ridiculous amount of carnage: everything crashes or explodes… Heck, even Matt Dillon’s eyebrows explode!)
2. 2005 —Million Dollar Baby 2 “The hunt for the sucker punching bitch is on… Is Dirty Harry up to the task?” (Crime drama featuring one facial expression and one very big gun.)
3. 2004 —The Return Of The King 2 ”Who finally got fed up with that whining Sam and stabbed him to death in his sleep?” (Murder mystery featuring even more hairy hobbits and a king.)
4. 2003 —Beautiful Mind 2 ”The no-longer-genius gets drunk and goes berserk and beats the crap out of people with telephones and various office supplies”. (Horror movie featuring a man so demented and evil that he even ends up winning the presidency.)
5. 2002 — Gladiator 2 ”Our favorite gladiator comes back to life and gets drunk and goes berserk and beats the crap out of people with telephones and various office supplies”. (Action movie featuring even more graphic violence and historical inaccuracies than the first movie.)

Trying really hard to to hate my two ex-wives but it’s not working.