When your girlfriend’s dog hates you
- Never wear old boxer shorts that are gapped open in the front.
- After being “romantic” don’t rollover on you back… It’s extremely important that you never, ever, fall asleep on your back, as this is when you are the most vulnerable.
- Never refer to your “bald one-eyed friend” as your “carrot”, “chicken wing”, “turnip” or any other food product. It might get her dog riled up, and set him off in to a feeding frenzy.
- When getting out of the shower, cover yourself in a towel and be careful when stepping over the dog. Also, when ever possible: avoid wearing a kilt, toga or a very small Speedo.
- I know this is difficult for many men, but make sure you never talk to your penis when going to the bathroom, as this could confuse the dog and make him attack.
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