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  1. Time spent sitting in horror before you realize your giant plasma TV is not broken… It’s just the kids who have been watching scrambled porn again.
  2. Moments you waste in the morning after starting your car; figuring out that the “burning engine smell” is simply the McDonald’s garbage from the week before.
  3. The scant few seconds required by your brain to compute and to tell your lunges and vocal chords to produce a girlish squeal after getting your penis caught in a zipper.
  4. Waking up period when you again find yourself naked in a car wash, all covered in wax and slowly remembering the LSD binge you have been on.
  5. Very silent times after sex when you are so consumed by the need to pee that you don’t remember that your partner wants to hear: “I love you!”

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