Scudfish

1. Is it possible to milk a porcupine?
   Is het mogelijke melk een stekelvarken? (Dutch)
   And back to English again: Is possible milk a porcupine?
2. Why does it hurt being kicked in the nuts?
   Pourquoi blesse-t-il des coups de pied dans les ecrous? (French)
   And back to English again: Why does it wound kicks in the nuts?
3. Is it gangrene if it’s green and smells?
   Ist es Brand, wenn es grun ist und riecht? (German)
   And back to English again: Is it fire, if it is green and smells?
4. Where can I find a recipe for stewed dog?
   Donde puedo encontrar una receta para el perro guisado? (Spanish)
   And back to English again: Where I can find a prescription for the stewed dog?
5. Can I eat lard when my girlfriend is pregnant?
   Posso mangiare il lardo quando il mio girlfriend e incinto? (Italian)
   And back to English again: I can eat the lardo when mine girlfriend it is incinto?
6. Are urinal cakes poisonous or can they be eaten?
   Sao os bolos do urinal venenosos ou podem ser comidos? (Portuguese)
   And back to English again: They are the poisonous cakes of the urinal or can be eaten?

1. Jar of dill pickles with a hamster in it.
2. Pecan pie with a bite missing from each nut.
3. Guinness beef stew from 1973.
4. Peanut butter with unknown crunchy bits.
5. Finger.

1. Kostritzer (Germany).
2. Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout (U.S.A).
3. Staropramen Dark (Czechoslovakia).
4. Guinness (Ireland).
5. Celebrator Doppelbock (Germany).

1. Make sure your can of maze; nunchucks and crossbow are in good working order.
2. Submit notarized copies of his social insurance card, birth certificate, driver’s license, and passport with law enforcement.
3. Have his blood, urine and stool samples tested for diseases at a reputable laboratory.
4. Ask for sworn affidavits from his mother, co-workers, and all his ex-girlfriends/wives attesting that he is not a nut-job.
5. The first meeting place should be somewhere public: a police station is always a safe bet. Having him photographed, fingerprinted and swabbed for DNA could actually be a fun first date activity.

Not Santa’s little baby boy.

1. How many twigs would Kate get in her butt if going at it like rabbits with Sawyer?
2. Why doesn’t Mr. Eko’s booming voice echo more than average?
3. Will Jin quit being a whining little bitch when he finally gets laid really well?
4. What force on the island repairs Locke’s well-trekked boots?
5. How come Jack doesn’t say things like, “hmm…”, “duh…” and “dunno…” when playing doctor?
6. Why hasn’t the island healed Charlie into a hobbit yet?
7. What kind of hair products does Sayid use to prevent his hair from turning in to a shag rug?
8. How come Claire hasn’t yet gotten drunk and thrown up on her shoes like a real Australian?
9. Will the ever-busy Sun give birth to something useful like: a heard of cows, pipe tobacco or some tents?
10. Why doesn’t the island provide some toilet paper for Sawyer as he is in such a grumpy mood all the time?
11. How bad do Hurley’s armpits really smell?

1. Flowers.
2. Dolphins.
3. Fairies.
4. Cartoon characters.
5. The “Satnan rulz!” carved in to a hand during detention in high school.

1. Never wear old boxer shorts that are gapped open in the front.
2. After being “romantic” don’t rollover on you back… It’s extremely important that you never, ever, fall asleep on your back, as this is when you are the most vulnerable.
3. Never refer to your “bald one-eyed friend” as your “carrot”, “chicken wing”, “turnip” or any other food product. It might get her dog riled up, and set him off in to a feeding frenzy.
4. When getting out of the shower, cover yourself in a towel and be careful when stepping over the dog. Also, when ever possible: avoid wearing a kilt, toga or a very small Speedo.
5. I know this is difficult for many men, but make sure you never talk to your penis when going to the bathroom, as this could confuse the dog and make him attack.

Mammaries’ boy.

1. 3 mg.
2. 7.5 mg.
3. 50 mg.
4. 2 pills every hour.
5. 1 pill as needed.